I remember my tiny fingers going numb while I single handedly dug down to the roots of those magnificent oak trees in Ally Pond Park. You told me the faeries would protect me from things that went bump in the night and every night something scared me wide awake, so much so that my eyes became the proud owner of the dark bags of a girl twice my age.
I remember dancing with them as only I could and you never stopped me from believing that their gentle wings would tickle me to sleep.
Did it all change because I was not cute enough anymore? All I know is that the first time you hit me, my faerie wings exploded into dust and I was all alone in the dark again.
Five Sentence Fiction word for the week of October 5,2012: Faeries
Wow, really powerful arc to this story - giving appropriate weight to the real crisis of it without seeming to use it just for drama. The hurt-angry mixture of the protagonist comes through nicely. Well done!
ReplyDeleteThanks so much.
ReplyDeleteA powerful yet subtle approach to the fragile line separating trust from harsh reality. Breathtaking!
ReplyDeleteHow easy is it so crush a child's spirit. This is so powerful, Elizabeth. Really beautiful work, my friend.
ReplyDeleteA powerful piece of writing.
ReplyDeleteYou moved cleverly between the safety of believing in the faeries and the harshness of reality which, in the end, took over as the, "....faerie wings exploded into dust and I was all alone in the dark again."
Beautifully done!
ReplyDeleteI have to agree with everyone else. If I may offer a criticism, the second sentence is working too hard on too many things. This image is confusing: "my eyes became the proud owner of the dark bags of a girl twice my age." If twice her age is 10 or 20, why would you expect bigger, darker bags?
ReplyDeleteBut that is a nit. Powerful and disturbing ending.
I had rather a different take on the faerie theme.
Cheers!
JzB
Hi JzB- thanks for your comment and your helpful suggestion. Glad you liked the ending. elizabeth
DeleteThat is dark. There are a couple of stories this week with that "one level darker" thing going on. Liked it.
ReplyDeleteCheers,
W.
Oh, the poignancy...the innocence of childhood - shattered...
ReplyDeleteGosh, how incredibly powerful. You took me from the light-hearted innocence of youth to a dark place that made me shudder. Excellent.
ReplyDeleteThank you all for your comments. There is nothing better then seeing your words touch people. Have a great weekend all!
ReplyDelete